Adrift, jobless and the fuzzy stuff in the fridge

Damn! How does so much time slide by between posts? The world seems to keep going by in a blur. I’m finally home from spending a LONG fucking time in Atlanta. Good to be home it is. Its 100+ degrees here but only15% humidity. Perfect for a desert rat like me! I was afraid of what I might find in the fridge one I got home since I couldn’t remember what was in there when I left. An I was right to be afraid. OMG, I’m stll not sure what was in there but I do know it would have made a helluva science fair project or HazMat training sight. Needless to say I’ve spent much time since getting home equipped with Lysole, bleach, bucket-o-water and toilet scrubby brush thing attached to a yard stick. *laughs*

Since my last post things had got pretty shitty on the job/career side of things. I even drafted up a resignation letter before I left Atlanta in case I got a quick positive response to my queries about previous job offers. Well I came to the office on Monday morn and had the entire team bay all to myself. Before we all left Atlanta, i told everyone to stay home and rest for a couple of days, especially the ones with hubb\wife\SOs\family. They all deserved it. So after spending the morning attending to a variety of administrative related things, I was called into an meeting with my immediate boss person, his upper level management, various bean counters, and other team leads. With out going into details, let just say that this didn’t go very well and in the end I lost my temper and walked out of the meeting. So Tuesday morn rolls around with a scheduled operations meeting, at which point I turned in my resignation, effective 31 Aug, then walked back to my office to wait the security to come and out process me. Spent the time waiting cleaning my lappy out and getting all the necessary sign-offs and forms completed certifying I have no proprietary info in my paws and acknowledging that all previous non-disclosure agreements are still applicable. So wait I did for the end of my career with this company an end that never came. So, a bit confused, I went home at the normal time. Come the next morning however, I was greeted by security at the front door, asked for my keys and other badges/credentials, handed a small box with personal junk from my office asked to leave the facility. So the end had finally come and I spend the rest of the day in a bit of a fog. Sat and hung out in my fav coffee shop, sending emails, watching youtube, catching up with stuffs presented at Blackhat last week basicly what i would have been doing in the office. Then came this AM, as I get up and start my day. About halfway through getting dressed for work and my third cup of coffee it hit me, I’VE NO FUCKING JOB! WTF do I think i’m getting ready to go here? So I peeled off my skirt and hose and jumped into a pair of sweats and tshirt and curled up on the couch sort of shell shocked.

I hate to say it but I came apart for a while. Stupid and weak I know but…. well I just did. No excuse, no justification. But I’ve picked up the pieces and am done with that. Not like it does any good beyond prove what a looser I am so…. done! I’ve spent most of the day going through my finances and find I can pretty much float for 4 mebe 6 months while I get myself unscrewed before I need to go look for that fridge box and beat some bumm ass to get a spot out of the rain. Just because I haven’t heard from where I thought I had some opportunity yet is no reason to panic. I will keep looking and keep myself busy. It is just very odd. I’ve never been without a job in the last 24 years. I’ve worked with this company for most of that time (almost 20). My career has always been so much of who I am that now that is gone, I’m a bit adrift.